When Baby Care is the Easy Part

August 25, 2020no1ofconcern Leave a comment

It has been a fast and furious few months. Covid, on-line end of school with kiddos and the baby coming home from the NICU. What an adventure it has been.

So many people talking about the disaster that has been 2020, and to be honest I am not sure I have gotten enough sleep to be fully aware of the state of the world. It is taking everything in me to keep things together at home. I hope the wider world is still alive and kicking when I finally emerge from this fog I’ve been living in.

Our little Ephemeral baby is doing so well. She has got delays and some challenges but she is a joy. Despite the screaming and hair pulling, physical therapy appointments, occupational appointments, juggling feedings, diapers all while working from home, seems she will be the easy part of this adventure. My husband has changed his tune from “we are WAY to old to take on an infant” to “they’ll have to go through me to get this kiddo placed anywhere else!”.

My husband is just slightly overprotective of this baby!

I know like any big undertaking you can never be truly prepared for everything you’ll experience. You can prep and plan and investigate but inevitably something will leap out of the shadows and wollup you. In our case it has been working with the Department of Human Services. Don’t misunderstand, they have been great, but the process…. the process has been like a trek through gator infested swamps while wearing a meat suit. You just never know when a critter is going to make a grab at you and pull you under. Here the critter being the bio parents of Tiny Baby. They don’t visit her, don’t always attend court, don’t return caseworker phone calls, yet somehow they try to paint me as the one standing in the way of their family reunification.

I’ve always wanted to foster kids. There are so many kids out there who just need to be given the opportunity to be kids. This isn’t out of some misplaced baby-stealing obsession. So why the backlash from the parents? Guilt? Denial? Last I checked it isn’t my fault DHS had to get involved, if you want your kiddos to stay home with you try not doing drugs! In fairness I recognize that is a gross oversimplification, but I am not the cause of their distress.

Bio-Dad cannot make a decision about anything and Bio-Mom has no follow through. Basically we are spinning our wheels until they can decide to do something, do anything. This is taking even longer than the Caseworkers had anticipated. The system isn’t easy, the system isn’t always fair, but it is the system we’ve got. I will just keep on plugging along, playing by the rules and try to avoid the critters snapping at my heels.

Be safe Tiny Baby, that’s all you need to do. Keep growing little girl, we’ve got the rest.

“What Was I Thinking?!” And Other Symptoms of Motherhood

March 5, 2020March 31, 2020no1ofconcern Leave a comment

If you read a previous post you will see I am in the process of potentially adding a very tiny person to my brood. She is still tiny, still frail and there is a lot up in the air but there you have it. I loved her before I met her, and I wasn’t even the one growing her! She is my ephemeral baby. The baby no one knew was coming, didn’t think would survive and now is seventeen days into her life and needing a home after her hospital stay.

Now here’s the rub- I love her, have space for her and am already making plans to bring her home, but there are no guarantees. Her mother and I have had a rough relationship for a while now because I do not approve of the continued life choices and victimization that has been happening. Now she has brought a new little person into the world with zero plans on how to care for her. I am offering but who knows what will actually happen.

Regardless of this uncertainty I continue to plan as though the tiny baby with no name will be coming to stay. She is fragile, grumpy, and perfect. It will be a change since my youngest is almost fifteen, and diapers are a distant memory. I spent last night enjoying some “me” time when it hit me- enjoy it now! This may be coming to an end soon. What was I thinking?! I have said numerous times when seeing friends with heir tiny kids or strangers quelling toddler tantrums that I was so glad to never have to do that again! Well now here I am desperately hoping this little one will get to come how with me.

I am already exhausted just thinking of it! Teenagers and an infant at the same time?! There is a reason nature tries to prevent this from happening by stemming our childbearing years. I will have teens slamming doors, yelling that I am ruining their lives all at the same time I will be yelling back “SHHHH! Don’t wake the baby!!”. I have obviously gone insane.

Apparently starting a new job, buying a new house and teaching my teens to drive was not enough stress and excitement this year! Let’s throw a sick baby into the mix! In moments of fear, or maybe clarity? I worry that I am letting my emotions take control. Am I feeling pulled to this tiny being by some weird biological instinct to protect tiny helpless humans? Some weird familial bond? Then I think maybe it isn’t fair to my teens or my husband who also felt we were done with the diaper years and has also expressed his exhaustion at “raising other people’s children”, long story there. All of that to be said, I wonder if I am making the right decision. Then I visit that baby face in the hospital, all three pounds working hard to learn to breathe and eat and move, and all I can think is, “there’s my baby”. Maternal instincts are no joke! Bio babies or not, hats off to the other moms out there who have gone through this and made it out sane on the other side. You are my heroes.